A Tale of Two Babies
When first studying breastfeeding I learned to look at it as a relationship that involves two people, mom and baby. Having now been personally involved in this “breastfeeding relationship” with two different people I begin to understand more about how important it is to remember that breastfeeding isn’t just about the mom, it’s about the baby too.
I’m currently breastfeeding my second baby, my son. It’s nothing like breastfeeding my first, my daughter, which felt like torture for the first 9 weeks. My breastfeeding relationship with her eventually was lovely and when my daughter was 19 months old she weaned herself. This second time around with my son has been much smoother and more pleasant.
My first baby was relaxed, went to sleep easily, was rarely fussy and not particular at all about how she was fed. Breast, nipple shield, cup, SNS, or a bottle she switched from one to the other no problem. It didn’t matter to her if it was formula or breastmilk, warm or cold she went with whatever was offered. She had a nice long tongue, strong suck and latched easily.
I was lucky to have her as my first. With my inverted nipples and lack of any milk supply whatsoever she was the baby I needed to be able to work through those issues and successfully breastfeed.
My second baby has now arrived. He is sometimes relaxed, does not go to sleep easily, is quite fussy in the evenings (and other times too) and is quite particular about how he is fed. He never took a cup feeding well and recently has decided that bottles are not for him either. Adding to this he was not born with a freely moving tongue and strong suck. He does latch but it takes more finesse and manoeuvering on my part to make it work.
Lucky for me (and him) he is my second baby. My nipples are no longer inverted thanks to the work done by myself and my daughter the first time around. I have an adequate milk supply and let-down for him to drink from. I was somewhat more prepared for what it’s like when a newborn arrives and turns your life upside down because he’s my second.
I have been able to exclusively breastfeed my second baby. If I hadn’t had my daughter first, who was born ready to deal with my initial nursing challenges I don’t think it would have been possible.
The point is – you may want to breastfeed and you may be 100% committed and do everything you can to make it work. But you are only half of that relationship and you need the other half to be on board too. I was fortunate that when I was having major trouble breastfeeding my other half was ok with working through it. Just know that it’s not all up to you and if it doesn’t work out the way you wanted it isn’t all within your control because there are two of you trying to breastfeed. There is only so much you can do, and only so much you can expect from your little one, especially in those early exhausting days of motherhood.